My Friday blogday episode January 14,2005

I'm a little bit sad...and I'm a little bit disappointed. I'm disappointed to what I'm doing, accepting him in my life once again...I guess it's really hard to remain friends with someone you used to fell in love intensely. I'm trying to give him a fair treatment inspite of all the pain that he caused me, but it always ended up beyond to what my mind wants to happen. I just want us to be friends, how come we are saying goodbye intimately again? I must stop this...because I hate all the feelings that comes with it... I hate it when he never had a thought of a single day with me....I hate it when I go home alone....I hate it when I suspect he's seeing another one...and I hate it when I become sad because he went home early....and I guess I hate him for making me feel like this.... I guess I'm too weak to tell him how much I fear having him in my life, that I don't wanna be as sad as I were a few months ago...... I hate myself for this....I really feel bad.....I don't wanna think it's because I wasn't able to have a taste of cake that toti gave to boss cel..sana ganon lang talaga ako kababaw..ay naku it's friday pa naman.... and I feel like I want to cry.....