Solitude

Again I chose my solitude....this is the kind of mood that I seldom feel when even if I want to I can't seem to bring back the jovial mood that I usually have... anyway I decided not to join the group,even at some point in my heart I know I should join them, but hearing what they're talking about, maybe it's better that I should just stay here in my lonely corner....

I'm trying to recall my dream last night or this early dawn, I can't remember it but I know I woke up because I was at the point of crying again.... I can't tell of the reasons, it can be any of those major setbacks in my life.... My parents who left me for a better world, and a special someone who just turned his back on me. Major events in my life that I tried not to affect me....but those sad dreams can be a reflection of what really pains me in my subconcious mind.... but happiness that I expressed prior to my present mood now, were never pretensions... I really just don't feel good.... it can be a holiday fright, because whether I admit it or not, I will be celebrating the loneliest christmas of my life.... too many losses.....parents and even the lost of insignificant other.

All of those I tried to ignore because I believe there are so many things that I should do first... This is my busiest christmas season. I am always in hurry, sleeping to sampaloc then return to Marikina, always rushing to buy something for christmas parties and family reunion, I was even assigned to collect raffle prizes from one office to another. During this season also, I allowed myself to get overwhelmed by material things...by the gifts I recieved which completed majority of my wishlists....

Maybe everything was set for me in 2005.... on my first christmas without mommy I have my closest relatives with me who demand my presence during all the holiday celebrations....

At this moment if you would want to know what I really want to do... I want to go home to Marikina, coz I'm missing my doggies already....especially my Peso....