CONSTRAINTS

It was surprisingly happy, a christmas that I expected to soaked me into a lonelier situation, is apparently happier than I've expected. It was simple but meaningful...making me realized how important it is to be with loves ones especially this holiday season... but there are constraints beyond my control.. like not being able to get in touch with other relatives like my auntie's and cousins at my father's side, financial limitations led me to just stay at auntie's house for the whole day... not that I'm running away from my yearly obligation to my god children, it's just that aside from what I can afford to give, I can feel I don't have the energy to go out and greet everybody....I wonder if I just focused so much on the void that I feel, that I can't have the luxury of time and energy to reach out. Or am I really beginning to enjoy my solitude.... 2005 is really a life of too much constraints, pains, and all things that still makes me feel tired....I want to be myself..... I want to be free..... I just hope love ones can understand my situation in case I really can't get in touched. I'm so tired.....My financial status is still a problem, I guess I need to hold on to what I have now coz next year can be a harder year....and I'm all alone....not visiting them would not mean I care less, I just need to consider myself first above all....This is the time when I know I can't sacrifice. It's about time to consider what I know can make me happy.....inspite of constraints....