Yearly sentiments

Now I realized,,Spiderman is right... no matter what you do for them, at the end of everything, it's all your mistakes that they remember....I guess I'm a victim of that fate...and I guess I am left for no other choice but to temporarily stay to where I am, no matter how bad they made me feel, and how they bring out the worst in me....I believe I can always do better, but I don't think I can survive in a surrounding that nobody trusts me....nobody trusts me that I can do it, or they just can't accept the fact maybe that an admin assistant has a potential to be like them, or shall I say....I am maybe in a very wrong world, and it's only me insisting that things will soon work out fine, that maybe I never made the worst decisions of my life....Sometimes even I don't know what I can do to PMS anymore,that I've no choice but to search for the root of everything..where shall I start? did I make the first wrong decision after highschool? choosing the wrong course, It should have been journalism not broadcasting?fine arts? is it my backing out from a computer science course at St. Paul's Manila? or it's not the course..it's the kind of job that I chose to start, where eventually i did not survive....it's the wrong notion maybe, that everything has it simple beginning, that it's a natural thing that I started as clerk or as a secretary. I should insist on my potentials....or maybe it's not the job...maybe it's the culture that I have seen from the start...that the technical staff is always above superior than an admins staff....technical staff has more potentials, it's what they will always feel that comes first...never mind about what an admin staff feels...ok....maybe I'll just accept I have an attitude....I'm so outspoken and I say what I want no matter who you are.....but I'm just defending myself coz no once gonna do it but me....but helllo am I the worst person in PMS? am I the most inefficient?(though I don't accept that I am).