Old time hobby...

I love to sing eversince...... When minus one became available it was like a dream came true for me.... I was still in elementary when I had my first minus one....then in Highschool, Karaoke became talk of the town, and when my father gave it to me as gift for my 18th birthday, it was like I had the most cherish possession... I was already working when I bought my new Karaoke... a neighbor told me Karaoke is not 'IN" anymore, VIDEOOKE is the best. Well at that time having a Videooke is like an impossible dream, I just told them Karaoke is OK, anyway, all I want to do is to sing, Videoke is for those who can't sing without a hint or tips...

And from VHS, the arrival of VCD player followed.... Much more affordable than VHS, VCD was a hit... year 2000 when I bought my first VCD player and I finally had my set needed for Videoke. It became my hobby to record all my songs and have cassette collections of it... 2006 My 21 Inches TV just stopped showing images,then the VCD player just gave in...it just stuck up, and just can't be used anymore. One day I came home and found my microphone on the floor butchered by my dog Pissy...without scolding my dog, I just threw the poor microphone in the garbase can....then after that I did not sing anymore.... changes in my life made me lost my interest to all things that I love to do....all VCDs remained untouched in the lonely corner of my home...

Time slowly heals wounds,that I slowly bring back things that I love to do...

One by one I was able to bring back my set of entertainment package....New TV, DVD player and a microphone.... VCDs are scattered again...Though I can't use them as often as I used to, well at least they are back to their original functions again...
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I am back to singing again, but then I can only do it when I have time.... One might say "Magic Sing" is the trend nowadays, but I am okey with what I have... Magic sing is too much for me.... the only good thing with it is you don't have to stop to change the vcd coz it's all stuck up inside the microphone.. and it scores your performance, but aside from that, my present set is not that bad anymore...

Something I can't get over.....

If there is one test in my life that I failed to pass,, I guess it's having a consistent relationship with my present officemates... but what can I do, at this point in time I don't have a choice, this is my bread and butter, I need this job to feed myself and my dogs.....

And I always ended up, regretting my decision eight years ago....For those who can read my blog, before you leave your job, you must think twice or more.... you must have the most sensible reasons before you transfer, something that I failed to do... As naive as I was, I never thought that every unit in office has their own unique standards in treating their staff... I never thought that my work as an admin would make a difference and can become a reason for me not to get a promotion....

Nothing wrong with people I work with maybe, but their personalities combined are something that provoked my pain even more.... I was told when I decided to transfer, the one who requested my services did not promise me anything, that it was still my decision... so now it was really my fault.... and I changed.... no matter how I tried to become better, the harder for me to maintain a good relationship with them..sometimes the harmony is okey,but maybe the wound is too deep, pain surfaced easily... from time to time I got offended. Felt like they were all always against me. And they are not bother anymore by what ever it is that pains me....

With just one incidence, all pains returned to me like rain...how they all keep quiet when I have the point, and how all of them have comments when my reaction was uncalled for... Maybe in this life there are people who became your friends and yet you can't tell them what you feel and how you got offended by their reception of you everytime you tried to approach them...or maybe I never really made a mark in their lives, the always mean, rude Maricel, but I am really just expressing what I think is right! as far as I know I never caused a lot a pain to a particular person to the point of holding her life.....with one's principle that still exist, look what happened to my life? My mother died without me telling her I finally got promoted.... so who wants promotion now....

For the last Seven years I felt worst....feeling like I am doomed to this unit. I was told several times that I am free to transfer to other units, and I told them it's too late now coz no one will take me anymore because I had maybe the worse record in the whole office.. which i believe is untrue.... but that's what they made me feel....

Then I was told that to have a chance for promotion I must start getting technical jobs.... and I did, and they gave the idlest agency, in consideration for my admin work... My momentum was high, I was willing to take the challenge... but that was it....it's like letting me smell the food but never let me taste it.... and years passed I am still an Admin.... and I just felt tired proving myself. Felt like I am too old to prove myself and aspire for PSO2 positions....

And I really regret, leaving ORC, the unit that I left because at one time they have lesser work to do, the unit that made me work happily even as Admin, the unit where I always see equality.... no descrimination...... now I don't get a promotion because I am not a good employee, at least now I deserved it....but then I know I need to do something. I need to go back to how I was before I transfered to this unit.... I need to remind myself what Mark told me "na sa ugali ko raw wala akong kapupuntahan", God knows he is wrong, God knows I am not bad, maybe the people I am working with are not bad people too, just maybe clashing of personalities. The way they take side in every commotion, and how I have a different view.... I was told that filing of filial leave will always be filed 5 days before, but I insisted what if its emergency? can you file your emergency five days before? If I did not have point how come personnel finally considered it? definitely not frightened by me...I just really have a point....

But my officemates never see it... Maybe if it is a point of others but me, they will agree....

Stroll 4

There are so many pictures that I still need to share which I believe should have a place here in Peso and I stroll series...


Taking a different route, We passed by these banana trees which gave me an impression of provinces that I visited before.

This is one of the views from our place....Community on a mountain...making me realized that my place where I live is also a part of a mountain..

In our previous stroll or walk the dog, we started on top of this ladder. Now we started at the bottom... Peso climbing the cement ladder...


Oh here it is,This was taken a week ago...Peso is looking at the cement ladder behind him, so that's how it looks on top..and hey Peso's jersey turned blue hehehe .
A few steps from that ladder is a big house....actually it's just one of the big houses, but sadly I seldom see people in those houses.




A lot of pine-trees on our way home....
Peso looking at me, it's time to play, where is the toy.???

opps we are going home....

Stroll 3

Whenever Peso and I stroll, I always feel this kind of liberty that says "with my dogs alone I can feel really home"... Peso is always the best companion ever.... I don't think I can enjoy strolling this much without my adorable dog....Every morning he is like a little boy, excited to stroll and waiting to be dressed up by me.

I know very well that each time I spend quality time with my dog, I am also investing emotion and affection.. He is like my little boy that I love to hang out with anytime, sometimes I think I can take life without friends but I am not sure how without Peso....not a good sign? well....for the meantime I will just take one day at a time..
Lack of stability in finances made me delay my dog's hernial repair surgery, for the meantime I'm trying everything to make Peso feel ok and comfortable, so that his hernia won't get worst...strolling made Peso a happier dog, I've never seen him this happy even before he became sick...


Strolling made me appreciate nature, made my digicam and cellphone more useful. It made me energetic, and it enhances my passion in Photography. Peso became my instant model, he posed near the flowers as I told him too...(He didn't like it, He's a real man I know)

I told him to pose near the couple of leaves that arouse my curiosity, and he followed as usual...

While we stroll I am thinking of my dreams.....that someday I can have a house or a more comfortable house where my dogs can run and play safely.....that I will have a " financial-worry free life", that I can buy my dogs all the comforts that they need... that someday I will have car of my own, that I can go where ever I wanted to go, and I can easily bring my dogs to veterinary clinics, and I can bring Peso to other place where we can stroll more....that someday
I can invite friends and relatives to my house and help them in their needs too.

Yes beautiful surroundings inspire me too dream.... that life is beautiful.... and I still have hope in this World...that Peso will soon have his surgery and after that surgery he will be a happier dog and he will live longer........

For the meantime I will live one day at a time, and enjoy my precious time with my dog and be by his side as long as he needs me.....If it's God's will to let this

surgery perform to Peso, I believe this will happen...and I will soon have enough resources to support his medical needs....that he will always be a happy active dog..
and in case his veterinarian said, he is not physically fit to undergo surgery, then I will just continue to do things that is making him feel better so far....

My Gadgets

Nice title, looks like I am going to flaunt my properties...hahaha of course not....what I have are simple ones, not the "top of the line" type because I cannot afford "big time" things yet....but then I am contented with what I have, because they resurrect something within myself.... The real passion that I have,and the things I love to do. They are the best companions ever, when solitude is inevitable.
My cellphone is SONY Ericsson K750i 2mp... I got it for free when my application for 800 plan was approved. This cellphone almost fulfill my dreams for my dog. Through it, I was able to practise "somehow" what I learned in my Communication Arts, Major in broadcast course, like "continuity" of every scene... My phone only allows 8-10 seconds shoot, which I learned to connect to creat the whole story...And my favorite star, who is no other than Peso, is everything that I wanted a talent to be.... full of cleverness and cuteness which really gives life to simple situation... My cellphone also has a game in it which I called boom. This boom gave me enough reason to ignore human being sorrounding me. It also makes me busy during long travel when going to work back home.

My Digicam is Fuji finepix A202 2mp..No I did not really buy this one, my cousin sold it to me for almost Five Hundred Pesos(P500) very cheap considering the good resolutions of the pictures especially when transferred to PC. It resurrects more my very first interest which is photography... I was in my elementary years when I had my first camera with flash bulb... I lost interest in pictures after college, because I just found it very inconvenient to buy films, and get excited on how the pictures will look like. If unlucky, all the photos you've taken on a particular occassion will get exposed or will not show up.... Digital camera is really great, it makes you on the go anytime. The best of all the best is you can see your pictures right away and it has large memory enough for you not worry about running out of film anymore. I always bring this whereever I go....


My Ipod, a birthday gift from my cousin.. when I was younger I cannot appreciate the idea of listening to music alone, and I found it very unethical then to have that thing on your two ears in the presence of friends... Now I am really happy that I have this gadget with me....when you're so used to have someone and that significant other suddenly got out of your life, Ipod is really the best in blocking the "missing him" symdrome in your brain... very entertaining really.

So these are my gadgets away from home and office. It saves me from "one sad day" attack, and it refreshes everything in me, my passion to write, my passion to combined words with pictures, and my passion to turn emotions into words... and when my interests to things became intense again, it means only one thing, "I am out of my depression caused by matters of the heart".. I feel like I'm in a new chapter of my life, in a new world with greater challenge and yet with greater gadgets to neutralize life.

But I have other more beneficial gadgets,



I have revived and strengthened my faith, my fears made me hold on even more... and



My Heaven sent angels that help me survived life during those times when I felt hopeless and so alone...now those are things of the past..

so Gadgets, they are not for show, they are what they're doing deep inside you....

The mirror and the comb

Old brown small oval shaped mirror, and a ladylike comb with one broken tooth. At first glance they are just one those old stuff ready to be given away or just throw away... why not the oval shaped mirror is more than 10 years of age or 15 years old to be exact.... The comb, probably around 10 years of age... but they are not leaving me.... in fact they are placed inside the drawer of my table in the office, so I always see them everyday 9am to 6pm of my life.....

Behind those old stuff are rich recollections of my happy life 15 years ago......A good reminder that I had a loving parents whose love and support remained untarnished even at the time I reached adulthood and can stand and live on my own...

I was already working when my father gave that mirror to me, before that mirror had a partner comb and small cloth packaging(don't know what happened I think I lost it). He did not give it to me directly, I just saw it in our house and got it because it looked good with my brown attache case bag. I guess I told him that I had it sooner or after five days, and my father said that he really bought it for me.....

When mommy gave me that ladylike comb, I was already working too... she said she just saw it in the market and wonder how it will look on me, so she bought it...
so those were the days when I was so used to have people around me, and people doing things for me....parents who cared for me and remembered me with or without occassion.

Looking at the mirror and the comb, reminds me of my past and how different I am now...Papa died 1997, sad but tolerable, I still have a mother anyway....then 2005, my mommy's turn to follow my father.... I can tell that my mother was caught between leaving me and joining my father, coz I know with the way her body swelled with liquid which she can't release anymore, I just told her to leave me with a condition that I should have one of my relatives with me. I was already shaking on the morning of her last monday on earth... My cousin arrived at exactly 3pm, my mother looked at her and died instantly....the sad part is when my mother died it was then that I missed my father too (again).....

And they often appeared in my dreams, and we were very happy as if it was the real thing, then I woke up with a few seconds of memory lapse because I was looking for them, only to realize both are dead, and our happy moments together never existed anymore in a real world... that thing often made me cry like a child lost in a mall or playground looking for adult companion....

My life has a lot of cross-roads when mother died, but God sent me my angels, and they give me enough joy, enough for me not to focus much on what's missing in my life

Reminders of my slowly deteriorating passion....

Empowering myself, to fight all unnecessary feelings attached to living alone made me doubt myself and my heart's capacity to love other people, moreso another human male specie....I just felt like I don't want to be at the mercy of others just to have company.... I am happy that I am no longer the girl who can't live without her friends or company whereever she goes... I am happy that my everyday life no longer depends on a particular person, that I really don't feel awkward anymore if I am walking alone or going home alone, or shop alone, or eat alone...

That at present, I see myself very exhausted to express affection, care and even friendship. That I am becoming a friend in words,thoughts and heart (coz that's the best excuse) and yet too tired to be with them physically. Suddenly my idea of friendship does not mean constant togetherness, that there is always a special time for them but not necessarily everyday. That suddenly I realized that what I am trying to avoid is attachment, that I don't want to be affected whether somebody left, and I am always the one left behind....

And it is indeed very obvious that my overflowing affection is concentrated or limited only to my two dogs, Peso and Pissy, I mean, I don't just love these two little rascals they are also my priorities. They are like another human beings in my home and their presence in my life made me invincible to the absence of others.

But there are days when you try to look back and recall the passion in you before it gets to the deteriorating mode. And since anti-attachment pill does not really exist, and I am still a human being after all, sometimes, in the middle of the night and when dogs are sleeping soundly, simple things just melt me....Well it's alright to get mushy, I am alone anyway and only God will know....



The heartshaped pillow still occupies a space in my bed... and I don't remember planning to change its present location... Why should I, I don't feel any resentment anymore, all I just remember are memories of passionate me, and how heart ruled at that time.... that it's ok if it will remain in my bed forever, it may not mean still holding a torch for someone, but just a simple reminder that once upon a time in my life I was passionately in love, that I know how to love and appreciate human beings... that my life may end loving Peso and Pissy, but at least I know, I am capable to love and accept no matter what.....

Next day will be a different day... time to go back to reality, to what I love to do, and to what I think is comfortable for me..... 530 am walk the dog activity again.... I really look forward to wake up early and stroll with Peso and enjoy the nature and fresh air.... Passion may deteriorate from time to time but with today's high cost of living, who can think of passion when worrying how to make both ends meet..? When your dogs are sick and you don't have enough resources to sustain an above good life for them.? HOw can you be a good friend when you are not good to yourself... so I better think like this for now "I, me and my dogs".

Stroll 2

A day with my dog, is a day I will always treasure.... I guess it will be a boring journey without Peso around... Because of my dog, walking became a pleasure, a relaxation, something that I really look forward too everyday especially during weekends.... We tried a different route this time...Inside Ponte Verde is Another big village called Lourdes, still it is a sloping land.... We went to the top of the highest slope and there is a cement stair going down... Peso has been attempting to go down there and it took me two weeks to decide to feel the thrill of walking to a new place where seldom walks to see the nature.....



Well you see we went down but there are still so much to see in the lower part...looks like we are standing on the part of the mountain... I wonder if Peso can appreciate them as much as I do...





From that Lourdes Village, we walked back to Ponte verde, and took the familiar path going home. Ponte Verde is at the foot of Lourdes but you can view Metro Manila from it.


We really don't need to go out of town for fresh air. We enjoy strolling really, made me forget why we stroll religiously, I to loss weight and Peso to keep him fit inspite of his perenial hernia....

Peso is obviously enjoying the day, I unleashed him to play on our way home....


We played fetch but he never returned it to me... instead he walked ahead of me, but never failed to look back to see if I am following him.
as always, our stroll ended with him going home with toy in his mouth... and I really adore him for that....

Sketches

I found a more than a decage age old, sketches, the one I did when I was still in college. I have forgotten the major subject where that sketches was submitted, but as far as I can remember, what our professor wanted to see is our understanding of Cinematography.... at that time computer was still limited, so Storyboard making relied on the artists' hands, manual... makes me travel along memory lane, when my parents were still around. When happiness in life came so easy, when life was so easy and light. When all I need to think about was my studies. My foreigner Prof, gave me a 1.25 grade equivalent to 97%.. Quite proud of that. It just reflected what I really enjoyed doing.....That I don't just enjoy writing but sketching as well. And I really love to combine the two.....

And I made another storyboard, this time a Music Video Story Board of my favorite song then "Miss you like crazy" Reminds me of my college days. Reminds me of my Big Crush to a Basketball Player now an actor-commedianne, and how my affection to him was transferred to a classmate-friend, who has minor similarities with him (thich eyebrows, beautiful eyes). He saw that storyboard, and admired it...

Now I am already an adult, I realized those are the only remaining sketches that I did with my left hand.... my recent drawings, all computerized, using Paint, made me use my right hand to move the mouse.... so it's not in the hands, it's in the brain... that's why there are people without hands who can still draw with the use of their feet or mouth.... indeed art is wonderful....

Pissy

Pissy my female dog, always remains behind the shadow of Peso....Peso without formal dog training is naturally smart, he learns easily. Pissy is different..Problems I never encountered with Peso, I encountered with her. She does not like to stroll, she does not want to be on leash, she does not like toys,she does not like to socialize with fellow dogs and she does not want to be cuddled. Unlike Peso who never resists when you hug him....

But then my little girl is very loveable eventhough she doesn't play fetch and won't react if you tease her like "poor girl no toys" (Peso is very reactive to that). She is smart in different ways.... Like she wakes me up in the morning, she reacts if you ask her if she's hungry, she's obedient, when you tell her to go home (in case we are strolling)she will go home without hesitation (which is always my problem with Peso coz my boy loves to play outside our house) during bath time, the first one to take a bath is Peso, I always tell her "Pissy get ready you're next", and she will climb the couch and sit there comfortable waiting for her turn though she hates taking a bath....

I realized Pissy is not really behind Peso, she is not as dull as I thought she was...In fact she has dominant traits. She will only show her affection depending on her mood, she will play only with other dogs and Peso if she feels like it...she does not like toys but you can rely on her at night, that she's guarding us. When it's time to stroll and she does not want to walk very far... She will just sit in one spot where she can see me and Peso, and she will stay there until we come back. When it comes to food, she's not picky (Peso is), and you are assured that she will finish her food without supervision (unlike Peso)

I love Pissy.... and I am guilty of my shortcomings to her...She is always left behind, I always left her in our garden when Peso and I need to stroll (Part of Peso's treatment for his hernia)but that is for her own safety coz I can't take care of her when I have my full attention to Peso. Because of Peso's medical expenses, my budget can't afford to bring another dog to the veterinarian. Poor Pissy has dandruff, and I am trying to treat her and give her relief from severe itch. in spite of my shortcomings, Pissy never complains, she still shows her affection to me in her preferred time but still I really love it when she wags her tail and the way she moves when she's playful...


So Pissy is not just another dog in my home.... she's like another human being taking all the sacrifices to share in my responsibilities...With God's help I know we can survive. God knows how much I love my angels