Something I can't get over.....

If there is one test in my life that I failed to pass,, I guess it's having a consistent relationship with my present officemates... but what can I do, at this point in time I don't have a choice, this is my bread and butter, I need this job to feed myself and my dogs.....

And I always ended up, regretting my decision eight years ago....For those who can read my blog, before you leave your job, you must think twice or more.... you must have the most sensible reasons before you transfer, something that I failed to do... As naive as I was, I never thought that every unit in office has their own unique standards in treating their staff... I never thought that my work as an admin would make a difference and can become a reason for me not to get a promotion....

Nothing wrong with people I work with maybe, but their personalities combined are something that provoked my pain even more.... I was told when I decided to transfer, the one who requested my services did not promise me anything, that it was still my decision... so now it was really my fault.... and I changed.... no matter how I tried to become better, the harder for me to maintain a good relationship with them..sometimes the harmony is okey,but maybe the wound is too deep, pain surfaced easily... from time to time I got offended. Felt like they were all always against me. And they are not bother anymore by what ever it is that pains me....

With just one incidence, all pains returned to me like rain...how they all keep quiet when I have the point, and how all of them have comments when my reaction was uncalled for... Maybe in this life there are people who became your friends and yet you can't tell them what you feel and how you got offended by their reception of you everytime you tried to approach them...or maybe I never really made a mark in their lives, the always mean, rude Maricel, but I am really just expressing what I think is right! as far as I know I never caused a lot a pain to a particular person to the point of holding her life.....with one's principle that still exist, look what happened to my life? My mother died without me telling her I finally got promoted.... so who wants promotion now....

For the last Seven years I felt worst....feeling like I am doomed to this unit. I was told several times that I am free to transfer to other units, and I told them it's too late now coz no one will take me anymore because I had maybe the worse record in the whole office.. which i believe is untrue.... but that's what they made me feel....

Then I was told that to have a chance for promotion I must start getting technical jobs.... and I did, and they gave the idlest agency, in consideration for my admin work... My momentum was high, I was willing to take the challenge... but that was it....it's like letting me smell the food but never let me taste it.... and years passed I am still an Admin.... and I just felt tired proving myself. Felt like I am too old to prove myself and aspire for PSO2 positions....

And I really regret, leaving ORC, the unit that I left because at one time they have lesser work to do, the unit that made me work happily even as Admin, the unit where I always see equality.... no descrimination...... now I don't get a promotion because I am not a good employee, at least now I deserved it....but then I know I need to do something. I need to go back to how I was before I transfered to this unit.... I need to remind myself what Mark told me "na sa ugali ko raw wala akong kapupuntahan", God knows he is wrong, God knows I am not bad, maybe the people I am working with are not bad people too, just maybe clashing of personalities. The way they take side in every commotion, and how I have a different view.... I was told that filing of filial leave will always be filed 5 days before, but I insisted what if its emergency? can you file your emergency five days before? If I did not have point how come personnel finally considered it? definitely not frightened by me...I just really have a point....

But my officemates never see it... Maybe if it is a point of others but me, they will agree....