My Gadgets

Nice title, looks like I am going to flaunt my properties...hahaha of course not....what I have are simple ones, not the "top of the line" type because I cannot afford "big time" things yet....but then I am contented with what I have, because they resurrect something within myself.... The real passion that I have,and the things I love to do. They are the best companions ever, when solitude is inevitable.
My cellphone is SONY Ericsson K750i 2mp... I got it for free when my application for 800 plan was approved. This cellphone almost fulfill my dreams for my dog. Through it, I was able to practise "somehow" what I learned in my Communication Arts, Major in broadcast course, like "continuity" of every scene... My phone only allows 8-10 seconds shoot, which I learned to connect to creat the whole story...And my favorite star, who is no other than Peso, is everything that I wanted a talent to be.... full of cleverness and cuteness which really gives life to simple situation... My cellphone also has a game in it which I called boom. This boom gave me enough reason to ignore human being sorrounding me. It also makes me busy during long travel when going to work back home.

My Digicam is Fuji finepix A202 2mp..No I did not really buy this one, my cousin sold it to me for almost Five Hundred Pesos(P500) very cheap considering the good resolutions of the pictures especially when transferred to PC. It resurrects more my very first interest which is photography... I was in my elementary years when I had my first camera with flash bulb... I lost interest in pictures after college, because I just found it very inconvenient to buy films, and get excited on how the pictures will look like. If unlucky, all the photos you've taken on a particular occassion will get exposed or will not show up.... Digital camera is really great, it makes you on the go anytime. The best of all the best is you can see your pictures right away and it has large memory enough for you not worry about running out of film anymore. I always bring this whereever I go....


My Ipod, a birthday gift from my cousin.. when I was younger I cannot appreciate the idea of listening to music alone, and I found it very unethical then to have that thing on your two ears in the presence of friends... Now I am really happy that I have this gadget with me....when you're so used to have someone and that significant other suddenly got out of your life, Ipod is really the best in blocking the "missing him" symdrome in your brain... very entertaining really.

So these are my gadgets away from home and office. It saves me from "one sad day" attack, and it refreshes everything in me, my passion to write, my passion to combined words with pictures, and my passion to turn emotions into words... and when my interests to things became intense again, it means only one thing, "I am out of my depression caused by matters of the heart".. I feel like I'm in a new chapter of my life, in a new world with greater challenge and yet with greater gadgets to neutralize life.

But I have other more beneficial gadgets,



I have revived and strengthened my faith, my fears made me hold on even more... and



My Heaven sent angels that help me survived life during those times when I felt hopeless and so alone...now those are things of the past..

so Gadgets, they are not for show, they are what they're doing deep inside you....

The mirror and the comb

Old brown small oval shaped mirror, and a ladylike comb with one broken tooth. At first glance they are just one those old stuff ready to be given away or just throw away... why not the oval shaped mirror is more than 10 years of age or 15 years old to be exact.... The comb, probably around 10 years of age... but they are not leaving me.... in fact they are placed inside the drawer of my table in the office, so I always see them everyday 9am to 6pm of my life.....

Behind those old stuff are rich recollections of my happy life 15 years ago......A good reminder that I had a loving parents whose love and support remained untarnished even at the time I reached adulthood and can stand and live on my own...

I was already working when my father gave that mirror to me, before that mirror had a partner comb and small cloth packaging(don't know what happened I think I lost it). He did not give it to me directly, I just saw it in our house and got it because it looked good with my brown attache case bag. I guess I told him that I had it sooner or after five days, and my father said that he really bought it for me.....

When mommy gave me that ladylike comb, I was already working too... she said she just saw it in the market and wonder how it will look on me, so she bought it...
so those were the days when I was so used to have people around me, and people doing things for me....parents who cared for me and remembered me with or without occassion.

Looking at the mirror and the comb, reminds me of my past and how different I am now...Papa died 1997, sad but tolerable, I still have a mother anyway....then 2005, my mommy's turn to follow my father.... I can tell that my mother was caught between leaving me and joining my father, coz I know with the way her body swelled with liquid which she can't release anymore, I just told her to leave me with a condition that I should have one of my relatives with me. I was already shaking on the morning of her last monday on earth... My cousin arrived at exactly 3pm, my mother looked at her and died instantly....the sad part is when my mother died it was then that I missed my father too (again).....

And they often appeared in my dreams, and we were very happy as if it was the real thing, then I woke up with a few seconds of memory lapse because I was looking for them, only to realize both are dead, and our happy moments together never existed anymore in a real world... that thing often made me cry like a child lost in a mall or playground looking for adult companion....

My life has a lot of cross-roads when mother died, but God sent me my angels, and they give me enough joy, enough for me not to focus much on what's missing in my life

Reminders of my slowly deteriorating passion....

Empowering myself, to fight all unnecessary feelings attached to living alone made me doubt myself and my heart's capacity to love other people, moreso another human male specie....I just felt like I don't want to be at the mercy of others just to have company.... I am happy that I am no longer the girl who can't live without her friends or company whereever she goes... I am happy that my everyday life no longer depends on a particular person, that I really don't feel awkward anymore if I am walking alone or going home alone, or shop alone, or eat alone...

That at present, I see myself very exhausted to express affection, care and even friendship. That I am becoming a friend in words,thoughts and heart (coz that's the best excuse) and yet too tired to be with them physically. Suddenly my idea of friendship does not mean constant togetherness, that there is always a special time for them but not necessarily everyday. That suddenly I realized that what I am trying to avoid is attachment, that I don't want to be affected whether somebody left, and I am always the one left behind....

And it is indeed very obvious that my overflowing affection is concentrated or limited only to my two dogs, Peso and Pissy, I mean, I don't just love these two little rascals they are also my priorities. They are like another human beings in my home and their presence in my life made me invincible to the absence of others.

But there are days when you try to look back and recall the passion in you before it gets to the deteriorating mode. And since anti-attachment pill does not really exist, and I am still a human being after all, sometimes, in the middle of the night and when dogs are sleeping soundly, simple things just melt me....Well it's alright to get mushy, I am alone anyway and only God will know....



The heartshaped pillow still occupies a space in my bed... and I don't remember planning to change its present location... Why should I, I don't feel any resentment anymore, all I just remember are memories of passionate me, and how heart ruled at that time.... that it's ok if it will remain in my bed forever, it may not mean still holding a torch for someone, but just a simple reminder that once upon a time in my life I was passionately in love, that I know how to love and appreciate human beings... that my life may end loving Peso and Pissy, but at least I know, I am capable to love and accept no matter what.....

Next day will be a different day... time to go back to reality, to what I love to do, and to what I think is comfortable for me..... 530 am walk the dog activity again.... I really look forward to wake up early and stroll with Peso and enjoy the nature and fresh air.... Passion may deteriorate from time to time but with today's high cost of living, who can think of passion when worrying how to make both ends meet..? When your dogs are sick and you don't have enough resources to sustain an above good life for them.? HOw can you be a good friend when you are not good to yourself... so I better think like this for now "I, me and my dogs".

Stroll 2

A day with my dog, is a day I will always treasure.... I guess it will be a boring journey without Peso around... Because of my dog, walking became a pleasure, a relaxation, something that I really look forward too everyday especially during weekends.... We tried a different route this time...Inside Ponte Verde is Another big village called Lourdes, still it is a sloping land.... We went to the top of the highest slope and there is a cement stair going down... Peso has been attempting to go down there and it took me two weeks to decide to feel the thrill of walking to a new place where seldom walks to see the nature.....



Well you see we went down but there are still so much to see in the lower part...looks like we are standing on the part of the mountain... I wonder if Peso can appreciate them as much as I do...





From that Lourdes Village, we walked back to Ponte verde, and took the familiar path going home. Ponte Verde is at the foot of Lourdes but you can view Metro Manila from it.


We really don't need to go out of town for fresh air. We enjoy strolling really, made me forget why we stroll religiously, I to loss weight and Peso to keep him fit inspite of his perenial hernia....

Peso is obviously enjoying the day, I unleashed him to play on our way home....


We played fetch but he never returned it to me... instead he walked ahead of me, but never failed to look back to see if I am following him.
as always, our stroll ended with him going home with toy in his mouth... and I really adore him for that....

Sketches

I found a more than a decage age old, sketches, the one I did when I was still in college. I have forgotten the major subject where that sketches was submitted, but as far as I can remember, what our professor wanted to see is our understanding of Cinematography.... at that time computer was still limited, so Storyboard making relied on the artists' hands, manual... makes me travel along memory lane, when my parents were still around. When happiness in life came so easy, when life was so easy and light. When all I need to think about was my studies. My foreigner Prof, gave me a 1.25 grade equivalent to 97%.. Quite proud of that. It just reflected what I really enjoyed doing.....That I don't just enjoy writing but sketching as well. And I really love to combine the two.....

And I made another storyboard, this time a Music Video Story Board of my favorite song then "Miss you like crazy" Reminds me of my college days. Reminds me of my Big Crush to a Basketball Player now an actor-commedianne, and how my affection to him was transferred to a classmate-friend, who has minor similarities with him (thich eyebrows, beautiful eyes). He saw that storyboard, and admired it...

Now I am already an adult, I realized those are the only remaining sketches that I did with my left hand.... my recent drawings, all computerized, using Paint, made me use my right hand to move the mouse.... so it's not in the hands, it's in the brain... that's why there are people without hands who can still draw with the use of their feet or mouth.... indeed art is wonderful....