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Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Pissy



Pissy my female dog, always remains behind the shadow of Peso....Peso without formal dog training is naturally smart, he learns easily. Pissy is different..Problems I never encountered with Peso, I encountered with her. She does not like to stroll, she does not want to be on leash, she does not like toys,she does not like to socialize with fellow dogs and she does not want to be cuddled. Unlike Peso who never resists when you hug him....

But then my little girl is very loveable eventhough she doesn't play fetch and won't react if you tease her like "poor girl no toys" (Peso is very reactive to that). She is smart in different ways.... Like she wakes me up in the morning, she reacts if you ask her if she's hungry, she's obedient, when you tell her to go home (in case we are strolling)she will go home without hesitation (which is always my problem with Peso coz my boy loves to play outside our house) during bath time, the first one to take a bath is Peso, I always tell her "Pissy get ready you're next", and she will climb the couch and sit there comfortable waiting for her turn though she hates taking a bath....

I realized Pissy is not really behind Peso, she is not as dull as I thought she was...In fact she has dominant traits. She will only show her affection depending on her mood, she will play only with other dogs and Peso if she feels like it...she does not like toys but you can rely on her at night, that she's guarding us. When it's time to stroll and she does not want to walk very far... She will just sit in one spot where she can see me and Peso, and she will stay there until we come back. When it comes to food, she's not picky (Peso is), and you are assured that she will finish her food without supervision (unlike Peso)

I love Pissy.... and I am guilty of my shortcomings to her...She is always left behind, I always left her in our garden when Peso and I need to stroll (Part of Peso's treatment for his hernia)but that is for her own safety coz I can't take care of her when I have my full attention to Peso. Because of Peso's medical expenses, my budget can't afford to bring another dog to the veterinarian. Poor Pissy has dandruff, and I am trying to treat her and give her relief from severe itch. in spite of my shortcomings, Pissy never complains, she still shows her affection to me in her preferred time but still I really love it when she wags her tail and the way she moves when she's playful...


So Pissy is not just another dog in my home.... she's like another human being taking all the sacrifices to share in my responsibilities...With God's help I know we can survive. God knows how much I love my angels

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Stroll

Out of love for my sick dog ( not obvious) I decided to give him quality time... my dog needs exercise (so do I)and contributing factor to his constipation is not having enough time to stroll and do his thing....Now I wake up early 4:00am (ideally) starting the day with Prayers with Peso beside me. Then we start strolling (must start strolling) by 5:30... I am quite lucky maybe living in a place quite close to nature, modern but the beauty of nature is maintained....

This is the path we usually pass by...sometimes I unleased Peso here and we play chaste... at the other side of the straight long path is a view of a mountain, Maybe that belongs to Rizal Province.





This is the view from the higher ground.


that's the highest part of the place. So aside from daily exercise, my dog and I also has an hour of bonding with nature... On our way back home we usually pass by this house , actually, it's just one of those beautiful houses that I admire in that place called "PONTE VERDE". The place has improved a lot....Peso was only a year old when we first strolled there, that was 2001. It was the best place to go to mend a broken heart, and I had with me my most patient companion (Peso). We stopped strolling because I thought the place became populated with dogs, and I don't want to drag my dog into dogfight.... But now amidst presence of other dogs, Peso and I, start strolling again, though my heart does not pain for someone anymore, but for the dog whose recovery is still uncertain, but then I am doing my best for him, and praying hard for him...definitely I will not stop strolling with him everyday and everynight, and I hope God will provide us more days,months,and years of quality stroll or "walk the dog" activities..... and I really thank him everyday for our time together.... so long it may continue...

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Doc Said Peso might be needing surgery.....



Just read an email coming from Dra. Yao of Pendragon vet clinic. She said that the pictures I sent her gave her an impression that Peso might be needing surgery and the effects of oatmeal and castor oil I'm giving him now are just temporary and might give long time side effect. But in fairness she said she still need to see Peso, so we'll see her on March 2.

Dra. Yao will the be the 2nd veterinarian to check on Peso's condition. The first veterinarian also suggested surgery.

Last January Peso had undergone enema because of impacted stool, I gave him oatmeal and high fiber diet after that, and it went on smoothly, but almost a month later, I brought him to vet again for another enema session... His first Vet said that, without the surgery, Enema process might become part of Peso's life, which is not good because he is being sedated before enema is done.


(Picture is showing Peso during one enema session, my dog has perineal hernia)


A forum-mate that I met through dog websites referred my case to Dra. Yao, which I think can win my confidence....

So what am I feeling lately.....I cannot explain it... quite similar to the feelings I had when my mother was still alive and very sick...I am worried of so many things. I am worrying about Peso.. can this surgery make him live longer? money, for how long can I sustain the high cost of Peso's medication? And a lot more concerns after the operation....

I just thought that two years after my mom died, my life will be "worry free", that I will have rest from financial worrying.... and now aside from shortcoming from finances, I am back to the situation of bringing love ones to hospital and worry all by myself. The only difference is I am bringing a dog to a Veterinary clinic, but the feeling is the same..... feels like I want to complain.... feels like I want to panic, that just like my parents, Peso will also leave me... I guess I am so afraid of love ones getting sick and didn't recover..... hope it's different case this time....

My Peso when not constipated is still a very active dog.... my fitness partners everymorning and everynight, my good companion (no dull moments with him and my other dog too), hope the surgery will really solve the problem....

But then I still hope for the best... I am scheduled to bring Peso to Dra. Yao on March 2, not yet for surgery but for check up only to confirm his condition and if he really needs surgery... I am hoping for the best..... Jesus please heal my dog....

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Peso's First Comic Strip



It's my dream to have a compilation of My Peso's comics strips, I will write the story line and get an artist to do the drawing... this is the first series... this dream once took the backseat of my priorities, because I found Video making more exciting and realistic.

But After more than a year I realized it's best to resurrect my Peso comics dream,especially now that I have joined a website wherein I can always post the comics for viewing pleasure of my "forum-mates". I wish someday, I will have a chance to improve my sketching skill, so that I will not need to hire artist anymore. I'll be very proud to be the only one behind the Legacy of my Ideal Dog.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Magical




I'm into my magical moments again.... meaning....my heart after months of silence, is about to break free again looking for something that it used to beat for.... Yes I am alive, still know how to love a man...but sadly the same man....why do we have days like these, when all of the sudden you miss the person.... then to torture yourself more, you'll browse all his former emails and recall the way you were with him.....missing him most when reading his old notes telling you how he missed, and loved you.....etc... still feeling the pain when crossed upon his email, asking for space... etc.... The last time we were together was seven months ago... the separation is much more expected that I really spent time with him until his last day in the office...no communication after that...for me it's an assumed separation.... it's painless, coz we were ok during that last day
I hope he is okey...and I don't want to think anymore if I am still
a part of his thoughts.... but I better believe he has stopped thinking of me...the way I thought I have forgotten all about him, especially when my dogs are sick...

I love him but I am always a world away during the crucial times of his life....Our love story ends as expected....and I understand very clearly now that love and priority are two different things. but then the attachment of one from another is very important, or you will end up just loving him in silence and wait for that feeling to fade completely.... in my case I am not in immediate need to forget him.... I am already at the point of loving him when I know I will never get hurt anymore.....

Begging for God's mercy




Dear God,
I know I never really talk to you regularly, but I would like to believe you are always there watching me... You know everything about me, even my darkest secrets...even what my heart desires these days.... In fact I don't really need to write this, you already knew it....but then I still want it written here, so that i won't forget.......

Both angels that you sent me is sick.....Peso has perineal hernia and Pissy has skin problem.... my financial capacity is limited so I will really need to choose painfully the most urgent one.... Peso must be first coz when not treated his regular bowel movement is affected..... but then surgery can't guarantee to heal it all... even the anesthetics for that surgery will be too risky for my 7 year old Peso, living me with no choice, then there is one Dra.Yao Whom I hope will give light to this problem....God can you please heal my dog. Well at least may that doctor be the one to cure him without surgery? I really beg you to at least give my dog more years with me, I am just about to begin my new life since my mother died, can you give me more time to heal first before you get your angel back away from me?

Also Lord, can you grant your other angel Pissy more strength, coz Peso's sickness and expenses stop me from bringing her to veterinarian too. She is a poor girl, always the last priority but I really love her too.... Lord Can you give other test for my strength setting aside my angels?.. can you just let them be with me while I am still recuperating from my losses in the past.....can I gather more strength first before you get them back? Promise I won't wish for more... just few more years of my Angels life?

Sorry if I sound like I have no faith..... I really trust you Lord....and thy will be done....but I hope you understand me too....I thank you for everything, especially for bringing me these two angels during the most crucial part of my life...I neglected them somehow when my mom was alive and very sick, and yet they gave me joy and strength.. I am just beginning to repay them... I believe you sent them to me to realize life, that I am not totally alone, that thru them I have someone Like YOU.....

Please LORD, I don't want to promise anything...but then I will try to be a better person...

Begging for your mercy

Maricel

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Talking about dogs



Dogs Dogs Dogs.... I know not everybody that co-exists with me understands what I really enjoy....I am happy living my life with my dogs.....I can't even notice that I was alone for quite a long time now.... I am becoming systematic because of them... When Peso became constantly constipated, and developed perinial hernia afterwards, I decided to do the right thing so that Peso can always make popo without fear and pressure, anywhere or everywhere he likes..... I made it a commitment to pick up the popo where ever we are with or without someone watching us.... so when ever my dog and I go out to stroll I always bring papers with me. Because Peso needs daily exercize I decided to wake up early and set 530-630 am as our stroll or "walk the dog" schedule, this new activity is good not only for Peso but also for me.... I have a daily exercise and I will not need to worry about getting late for work. I set my alarm clocks at 4 am but I really get up at 5am, I pray the rosary with Peso beside me and then we dress up for our morning stroll. when I arrived home, I made it a point to bring out the dog to stroll as early as I can, then I will prepare dinner and then prepare to sleep so that we can wake up early again the following day.... I am enjoying this minor changes in my life...and I guess my dogs love it when I give them quality time....really my dogs are my angels in disguise....

I miss talking about love......


I learned to love maturely... meaning, loving the same person in silence...no more bitterness just shrugging of shoulders as if telling myself "that's life". What ever it is the caused me pains before, they are all part of the love that I know I will never regret.... It just that....I can't see myself falling in love with another person.... not yet....though I am not hoping anymore... I guess loving someone intensely makes me feel fulfilled, and whether or not new love comes along, I guess I am okey....now my dogs have my undivided affection (they used to have only 70% of it hahaha...). Learning to set aside resentments and loving my dogs more than I have loved the person( but still no male can equal what I felt for him). I've been busy taking care of my dogs, buy them clothes, panic when they are sick, having my two doggies are really like home..... And if God will allow, and give me a good source of living, I will just choose to stay home taking care of them.... I just can't feel it in my heart to long for a new love coz when I think of love I always ended up thinking of the same man.... why not, he is still the closest man in my life...Next to God he is the only one who knows me inside and out. I am not closing my door to friendship, it may not be possible now but I know someday we can become friends again without complications.... I've been busy picking up the pieces of my life.... working on the backlogs and spill overs of the previous years..... but I am only human.... and that being constantly reminds me that I have never talked about love for a long time.....after 10 crazy years loving only one man....but then I am thankful I never longed for love desperately, I never look for a lover desperately.....I guess single life is okey....I just can't force myself to like someone just for the sake of having a someone in my life... I guess I am happy this way.... at this point of my life, the only man that can get my attention is a Veterinarian.... I just can't talk about love... not at this time that I know who is still holding my heart....

Monday, February 11, 2008

My new life



It seems that pains that used to affect my life has finally lost its magic.... life is becoming good, and the changes is making me nervous....I set aside matters of the heart because my dogs are taking the most of my time..... My very dear Peso developed a perinial hernia because of his severe constipation.... His vet suggested operation but I can't just agree to it for some considerations..... my dog is 7 years old, and the vet can't guarantee how he will react to anesthetics, I will spend and yet no one can assure me if my dog will be okey after the surgery.... I was depressed for one week, asking my God if I really dont have a choice, I asked other vet and they told me to consider the conventional method... meaning watch Peso's diet so that he can maintain a soft popo... My dog is happy dog, he is eating oatmeal with other combinations, I add Virgin coconut oil too. Peso's bowel movement became regular and without much effort... thanks to fiber....but then just last week I was force to bring him to vet because he was constipated again, and enema was done to him for the 2nd time..... I am talking a another vet now, she said she wanted to see my dog first....

I hope Peso will get better without surgery, I am not ready to a life without my dog, he was my constant companion (Pissy) during my struggles in life....He and Pissy were the best companions during the first weeks when mommy died.... I just love my dogs so much.....