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Friday, January 28, 2005

Last Friday Blogday of the month

Hey I almost forgot to blog today...what a busy week...I mean I should expect busier days ahead of me....many beautiful things are happening well financial I mean. I hope it's a wise decision on my part to get my pag-ibig fund 10th year maturity...almost everybody availed for it, so I guess it's ok. but I need to be careful with my money..I might as well save it...coz I paid for it for almost 10 years. I don't think I can just spend it.

Friday, January 21, 2005

My Friday Blogday Episode

I've lost count already...anyways, I guess 'm so busy both at home and at the office...imagine of all the things I can forget, I can't believe I forgot Sang's Birthday...and realized it only when yet told me about it...am I getting old or is it my struggle to survive life no matter how hard it is... I mean, am I taking life so seriously? or am taking my mother's condition so seriously that I have a different focus now....I have missed so many occasions like cousin's bday, nephew's bday, Family christmas party, and teambuildings with officemates...Vecky's father died, and I can't even go to their house for last respect, how I wish I can be with vec as she was with me when my father died. But what can I do Las PiƱas is so malayo from Marikina....and I have a mother who can't even take care of herself anymore...and I told myself not to make gimicks on weekend for it's my two whole day with her...my two dogs are my consolations...they give me joys even when there are so much to do at home....really from the heart, my apologies to all my friends...hope they can feel it in their hearts...

Friday, January 14, 2005

My Friday blogday episode January 14,2005

I'm a little bit sad...and I'm a little bit disappointed. I'm disappointed to what I'm doing, accepting him in my life once again...I guess it's really hard to remain friends with someone you used to fell in love intensely. I'm trying to give him a fair treatment inspite of all the pain that he caused me, but it always ended up beyond to what my mind wants to happen. I just want us to be friends, how come we are saying goodbye intimately again? I must stop this...because I hate all the feelings that comes with it... I hate it when he never had a thought of a single day with me....I hate it when I go home alone....I hate it when I suspect he's seeing another one...and I hate it when I become sad because he went home early....and I guess I hate him for making me feel like this.... I guess I'm too weak to tell him how much I fear having him in my life, that I don't wanna be as sad as I were a few months ago...... I hate myself for this....I really feel bad.....I don't wanna think it's because I wasn't able to have a taste of cake that toti gave to boss cel..sana ganon lang talaga ako kababaw..ay naku it's friday pa naman.... and I feel like I want to cry.....

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

The Mirror and me

They said I'm vain, coz i can't live without a mirror on my desk...an officemate told me that maybe when I was a kid, my only toy then was a mirror and a brush...but I never told them what else I see when I look at the mirror...when I look at the mirror, I just don't see me...I see more of me in the depths of the world....it reminds me how my life has changed, and how I metamorphosed into a mature woman, who realizes the never-ending struggles in life....The mirror shows me how healthy I look that inspite of what I've been through, I still look OK... I have experienced a touch of poverty, when I almost have the last centavo and I don't have food to feed my family..but when I looked at the mirror, I see life's not that bad....coz i found ways to solve the problem, there are people willing to lend a helping hand and during long struggle of hardships,I'm glad I never run out of friends, and wisdom to help me survive ....when somebody broke my heart the mirror never lied, it said "no matter how beautiful you are, someone plain can possibly steal the one you love's heart....of course it's a different story if you're the plain girl, and you won somebody's heart..."it showed me how overnight crying can make me ugly that i should put a time frame in treating my broken heart...that there should be no looking back...and past is past.....Nowadays when I look at the mirror...this is what i can see, my reflection asking me what am I doing with my life? haven't I decided to have a good start.?...why am I beginning to cling in the past.?...haven't I decided to leave him there,in 2004? Maricel don't forget to look at the mirror....let it remind you how sad you were when you decided to follow your heart....let it remind you the cycle...and a problem that can never be solved...let the rule of the mirror overcome you.."when you look at it, you only look at yourself"...pay attention to yourself...love yourself even more....just look ahead....turn your back....Forget...Let go....

The Year of the Rooster

I guess I'll have a very challenging year...it's the year of the rooster, and almost 36 years ago I was born during that year....it's a good start so far, though, I always have those fears inside of me...hope it will help to list them one by one. I have read somewhere that If I can't pray, My God will see what's in my heart and I know that he knows how frightened I am. I'm like a frightened kid, which only God can see. I'm so afraid of my debts, wish I can have more time to pay them one by one....I'm so afraid to be left alone, I do love those whom I know will not stay with me for as long as I can live., I know my mom will soon leave me, Peso and Pissy too,dogs have shorter life span..
Sometime I'm afraid of the future, what if I really don't get married, I will not have a family to take care of me...I'm an only child, by the time I reached 70 (in case i reached that age) nobody will care for me anymore. Will I find myself knocking at home for the aged doors?but it's a different story if I die ahead of my love ones.., in some aspects maye I'm luckier but, I can't just leave my mother, nobody can have the patience as I do?who will take care of peso? I know when I die he will die too, at least I know Pissy can survive...my cousin will take care of her, but without the pampering that I can give. Well LET'S GO BACK TO REALITY....those are just my fears and I intend to fight them starting this year...Please Lord help me...

Friday, January 07, 2005

My 10th Blogday Friday

No matter what, I'll try to be consistent in counting my blogday fridays...Now I'm on my 10th, and I can really observe the ups and downs of my life.... there are developments as far as relationships are concerned. I guess I'm ok in the office so far...I'm ok with him too though, it looks like we have different views of relationship. I think he believes we're on again, and I believe we're not. But I like the feeling of having him around, just as a friend...Anyways...I'm opt to a more challenging years...I still feel heavy in my chest whenever I think of my financial constraints, when I think of mommy whom I know should not be left alone at home., when I think of time and how fast it passes me by...I really need God's grace and forgiveness....