Special Blogday Episode

It’s December 31, last day of the year 2004, as usual, my Friday Blogday..guess I’ve lost count so far…It’s a holiday so I’m home. And I realized the transformation in me. That I no longer the carefree person, who thinks only of my own needs and happiness.

I feel good except for one thing, that is not being able to give gifts to relatives and friends.. I just don’t have the energy to think of creative ways to give them gifts, no matter how short I am as far as budget is concerned. That’s always the case anyway.. It’s just that I really don’t feel it. I guess poverty is getting into my nerve lately, that I realized now to prioritize my life. I’ll try to make up as soon as I don’t feel too burden inside… Now I really need to pray coz It’s the best gift that I can give so far… A sincere prayer for those close to me…

I can’t just believe of the kind of Maricel that I see these days….In-charged of everything at home, Food for the week, cleaning the house, changing of curtains and bedsheets, attend to my mother’s needs. Take care of my two dogs..etc..Things that I never cared about before coz I was surrounded by dependable people doing those things for me….I seldom go out with friends anymore coz I felt panic when it’s 9pm and I’m far from home..unless it’s overtime and I have a service to send me home, or at least I’m in a place where going home will be accessible…

I’m a very busy person…9 hours in the office after that, rush home to cook for love ones. When everything is settled, that’s my time for myself….I do what I want to do as long as my tired eyes never force me to sleep.

I guess I’m a real courageous woman seasoned by pain and hardship in life…But hey, my life’s not that hard naman… anyway I have so much to share next year…

My 8th Friday Blogday, a day before Christmas

Such a busy day...I was so tired yesterday, imagine it's DMU's christmas party and I bought my gift on the same day, I bought chicken for Mark's firstblood voluntary share in the party, The grocery were given on the same day. gosh so heavy I decided to leave some of it, anyway I'm returning to office today to pick up the cake I ordered to Becky's thru Toti....I'm so tired and almost sick...my colds' getting worst, it makes my eyes teary. Then I need to rush home, mom and doggies are waiting,they wont eat without me. I bought mom a blue duster, I know she will look good in it matching her blue step-in. Then I realized I haven't enough to give to my dozens and dozens of inaanak...I felt sad sometimes. It's tough living nowadays....

7th Blogday Friday, A quite prosperous Friday..

Well I'm glad life happens the way I wanted it to be so far....our salary for next week was given in advance,we have additional 2,500 cast gift and I heard our groceries worth 1k will be given. I'll definitely go to divisoria mall this weekend....well we're on a speaking terms again...and we are scheduled to enroll our GSIS E-card on the 3rd of January..what a coincidence,it used to be our anniversary...and i guess he didn't remember.. It's ok...I don't wanna expect anymore...I mean I'm happy to have him around but I don't wanna go deeper anymore.I should always remember how he made me sad in the past. Enough for me to put a limit in my interactions with him...just bought a celphone holder, it barks when it sensed a message coming.It's a dog of course....

A Ghost Haunting me

A ghost, a symbol I borrowed from marisse.... Yes there's a ghost about to strike my life this holiday season. After weeks of no communication, just as I convinced myself that I still miss him, I found him...I mean we unintentionally met, it will always be a possibility anyway....it's always the same route we are taking, just a matter of time.... And so we met, and we talk as if nothing painful has happened between us....I'm happy I admit but...how we were before we broke up still haunts me...I know I still have this feeling for him but I'm too afraid to go back to what I was before....wish i can stand firm with my decision to put a barrier. or a limit...I'm happy to what I am now, but something inside of me wants to have him too....I guess we can soon talk about this.. I mean so far, I'm comfortable to be just a friend to him, I don't wanna step forward, I don't wanna go back to a problem that can never be solved. My feeling for him is like a ghost that frightens me. One step forward and I'm doomed...

My 6th Friday Blogday

A very exhausting friday...full of disappointments...I thought I was just fighting for my right. really don't know what to say....I really don't have plan at all....a really different Friday, have a feeling that the world is against me....then I miss him...all of the sudden I longed for his presence in my life...it could have been a different story if he's around loving me...who knows I might not react that way at all...I did wish he would call and have the courage to talk to me....I never expect automatic reconciliation, but at least to have another friend in him,who would make all these loads a little lighter. Just like how he used to make me feel ok by his reaction that I didn't deserve the kind of treatment that I am getting. Now that I'm almost buried to pain and humiliations, caused by my own irresponsible reaction, when everybody blamed me and told me that I am wrong... now that I feel all so alone.... he is gone.... he is just around I know, but he's out of my life.......but isn't it amazing that he is no longer the reason of my lowest moment?He used to be one....

My 5th Blog Friday

Hey hey hey...I thought I would miss my 5th blog friday...well no work today because of typhoon....but obviously, it's not raining so hard in Manila. Where am I today? I am at Riverbanks Mall. Yes, I'm enjoying my solitude...just finished shopping for the house...I hope I did not spend much... Well about what I feel today, I'm a lot better, 2 days vacation makes it a long weekend again...at least I can temporarily get away from that promotion blues.. I can really feel it in my nerve that I failed to go to work on time last wednesday...but being with my family changed a thing. Friends who know me, knew who are those I consider my family except for mommy...of course, Peso and Pissy....well I'm a bit worried of mommy's health, hope she'll be ok...can't imagine life without her... I'm not through arranging my house....the sofa bed just arrived last night inspite of the weather.... so it's a different Friday blogday, I'm not in the office and I'm in a hurry, need to go home na....I will cook pa, then vcd's are due tomorrow, gonna watch them all this evening....